the inspiration for this site
A few days ago, the partner and I were browsing at a local bookstore when, without saying a word, he handed me this book - Living together as partners: the alternative marriage guide, by Matthew Janes, a "straightforward and down-to-earth guide for couples who intend to spend their lives together but who are not married and do not intend to get married."
Published in 2002, it's fairly recent enough to discuss realistic issues such as legalities, taxation, insurance policies, and dealing with the kids. The only problem with this book is, it was published in England, and deals with cohabitation in a first world setting. Cohabitation in the Philippines, though common, is usually frowned upon, and, except for my sister's law books, I have not encountered any local books which deal with this.
Of course, the emotional issues in any relationship are universal. But I think even these Britons, and especially the Americans, except perhaps those who live in ultra-conservative, close-knit, Catholic communities, do not have to deal with Catholic guilt as much as Filipinos do. Which is just but one issue of cohabitation - Undoing nine years of Catholic education. At which point, the bulb in my mind suddenly lit up, and for once, all the voices in my mind decided to shut up. And actually listened. To the voice of the frustrated writer. "Write about your own experiences! Blog about it!" And - walang kumontra.
So here's the site. odd thoughts because... my thoughts are mostly odd. But also because this just may end up as nothing but a cornucopia of unrelated thoughts. and i may even end up just venting once in a while.
how it all began
After giving up the apartment in the Marikina boondocks which I was sharing with my sisters, my daughter, T, and I moved to a shoebox unit in the same building as my partner - we were on the second floor, B was on the fourth floor. It was a small studio unit, with barely enough room to accommodate a double-decker, a small fridge, a small stove, a small closet and a small bookcase. In fact, B's unit was bigger by a couple of meters or so, but T and I had the advantage of a veranda of sort, barely big enough to fit three people, but overlooking one of the (somewhat posh) village's less busy streets, which meant more room to breath in, and a wider view of the sky. It was expensive for a shoebox, but we were right in the middle of one of the best locations in Quezon City - the Diliman University Belt, where everything was within walking distance.
It was inevitable that B ended up spending more time in our shoebox than in his, since the food was there (he was gracious enough to move his bachelor's fridge to my place, since my old fridge was too big for my shoebox, hence my sister got to keep it), it had airconditioning, and it was a whole lot cleaner than his place. The fourth floor unit became a laundry room slash gaming room, where B would play War Machine with his friends, when he wasn't doing the laundry.
Since we were both paying an arm and a leg each for our respective units, we finally decided to pool our rent money and throw in another arm to move to a more decent hole-in-the-wall - a one bedroom, two bathroom townhouse with a bigger veranda. It was still ridiculously expensive for its size but it was more of a house than two separate shoeboxes located on two different floors. And we knew that we were paying more for the location than for the house itself.
So that was how our cohabitation began - it was borne out of practicality and the need for a bigger space. Three years and a much bigger apartment later, we are still dealing with the crazy complexities of cohabitation, keeping our fingers crossed, and still hoping for the best.
As B puts it - "We are together because we want to be together, and not because we're obliged by some piece of paper to stay together."
